The Mango Memoirs

Luca

Posted on October 2, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 0 Comments

DSAM Luca

Today’s story comes to us from Sharla, Luca’s mother.

In August of 2010 I found out that my surprise pregnancy was a bigger surprise than I could imagine. I was having twins. I was shocked and in all honesty, pretty terrified. I already had two girls and my husband is gone quite a bit with work so I had no idea how I would manage everything. On the night of their much anticipated birth I got an even bigger surprise, one of my twins had down syndrome.

A special needs child was nowhere near my radar. I had zero experience with special needs and had never met anyone with down syndrome before my son Luca was born. It was a very hard time of adjustment for me. I had no idea how I could be the mom that I needed to be to my four children. As I started navigating through the down syndrome community and seeing other children with down syndrome I decided I could do this as long as my son was “high functioning.”

We all fell in love with Luca and I was thrilled when at times he reached milestones before his typical twin brother, Giancarlo. As the boys closed in on their third birthday, I noticed that Luca was different than other kids with Down syndrome. He was not as social and spent a lot of time in his own world. He also lost a lot of words that he had used for the last year. I began to research a dual diagnosis of down syndrome and autism and right after his fourth birthday he was diagnosed with autism.

I give all this background because I have a very important message that I want the world to hear. My son is the love of my life. He has been labeled “severe” by the school district and it doesn’t lessen my extreme love for him. He is the sunshine of our family. He has opened the hearts of our families and our friends. He is amazing because of who he is and not because of what he can and can’t do. Yes I still work hard to help him reach his full potential. Yes it’s hard for me to see other kids with Down syndrome who are so far ahead of Luca. However, I know that regardless of what progress he makes he has a purpose for being here and he has value.

I would have never guessed that this would be my journey but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am a completely different person from the one that gave birth to these precious boys. Some days are hard. Fighting for what Luca needs to succeed is hard. Loving my perfectly imperfect son with a dual diagnosis is never hard.

My message to other new moms and dads is something that it has taken me four years to learn. You do not have to be everything. As you navigate the way through this new experience you will slowly build a network of amazing friends and mentors who will be there to advise you when you are lost. They will fight along side you. God has sent amazing people into my life to support me when I needed it the most.

I have fallen in love with people with Down syndrome. I am grateful every day that I get to be part of a community I would have never known about had I planned my own destiny. The things that scare us the most are often the best things that ever happened to us.

IMG_20141018_132601_617

You can find Sharla on Instagram at @unfancymama

Click on the button below to see all the posts this month!

I am also participating in the #31for21 blog challenge! This is a network of bloggers writing for 31 days through October to raise awareness of Down syndrome – an extra copy of the 21st chromosome. Click the button to see other blogs participating in the challenge.

A year ago, when Ella began all day kindergarten, I struggled for a bit with feelings of frustration. I had more time than ever to get things done during the day, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I didn’t feel it was the right time for me to get a job, since Sam was still home with me and we were often running out to his appointments. I floundered for a bit, until I remembered my friend Jen had a growing business as a life coach, Moxy Coaching. I reached out to her, hoping she could help guide me through my frustrations. Looking back, I am so happy I did! Jen has an incredibly encouraging personality and has pushed me to dream beyond what I had ever imagined. We meet each month for coaching meetings over Skype. We set goals together and lay out a schedule and talk through obstacles to what I want to accomplish. I had never thought I was someone who would benefit from a life coach, but it’s been amazing! I dream bigger and pursue those dreams in ways I never imagined I could.

livefearlessbanner

On October 6, Jen is starting another round of group coaching for women called LiveFearless. This group meets six times over three months. Group coaching offers encouragement and accountability through the other women in the group while working toward your own goals. Click over to Moxy Coaching to find all the details, but do it soon, because the group is beginning in just a few days!

Jen has very generously offered a discount to The Mango Memoirs readers for this next session of LiveFearless! When registering on the Moxy Coaching website, enter the code MANGO175 for $175 off the total cost. If you prefer to make monthly payments, use the code MANGOMONTHLY for $43.75 off each month.

300greatest

Wondering if coaching is the right choice for you? Check out this survey to get a better idea.

I can’t express enough how much coaching has done for me in the last year! If you decide to join Jen, I’d love to hear. As always, feel free to send me any questions through the contact tab at the top of this page.

Filed Under: Down Syndrome

Sam & Becky

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 2 Comments

Happy first day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month! Let me tell you, we are going to be celebrating here at The Mango Memoirs each and every day this month! Since day one of our Down syndrome journey, the very day our sweet Samuel was born over three years ago, we have met some incredible people. This is a world we hardly knew existed, and now we can’t imagine not being a part of it. But we remember those days before Sam’s diagnosis, back when we didn’t know a whole lot about what it meant to have three copies of the 21st chromosome. And that’s exactly why, for the next 31 days, we’ll be sharing the stories of those who have a beautiful extra chromosome. Their stories will be told by a loved one. Mom, dad, sibling, grandparent, caregiver. We’ll have photos and touching words, sometimes you’ll laugh out loud and other times you want a tissue. So make sure you bookmark us or save us in your browser, because you won’t want to miss these next 31 days as we celebrate Down Syndrome Awareness Month.

DSAM Sam

Our first feature, on this first day of October, is our dear Samuel. But his story does not come from me. This story comes from Sam’s Auntie Becky, my sister. I had been watching her girls with my Ella the afternoon I went into labor and left Ella with her. Here she tells of the night Sam was born, May 24, 2012.

I was waiting for my sister’s call when I fell asleep- she was in labor, we didn’t know if she was having a girl or boy. My niece Ella was sleeping in my bed- I was excited to wake her up and tell her she was a big sister! Some time after I fell asleep, Angela called with baby news- “It’s a boy, his name is Samuel Thomas.” I was happy to have another nephew! But something in my sister’s tone told me there was more she wanted to say. My immediate thought- something is wrong with the baby. Then she said it, calmly, but obviously hesitant: “He’s in the NICU right now, they’re running some tests…He has Down Syndrome.”

I was surprised. But it didn’t occur to me to be sad or “grieving” (as I’ve read since that day is a natural reaction.) I was suddenly overcome with absolute love and a sense of “protection” for this boy! I cried and told my sister truthfully “That makes me SO HAPPY.”

I worked for years in homes with residents who were developmentally disabled. These folks became some of my very favorite people- people I feel blessed to have known. They often show amazing qualities that most people I’ve met lack- and their relationships bring out so much love and humility in others. I’d always thought, I’d be happy to have a family member with “special needs.” I’d seen that my clients with involved family members could live the happiest, most fulfilled lives. I knew when Sam was born that our family would love any little one unconditionally- and as time passes I see more and more the beauty Sam brings out in the lives of everyone who knows him. Turns out he isn’t lucky to have us for a family- we’re lucky to have him.

You can find Becky on Instagram as @beckyjolson – And yes, we do have the same last name! We both married Olsen/Olsons. We love it.

Filed Under: Down Syndrome

Three Thousand Days of {Mostly} Wedded Bliss

Posted on September 25, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 6 Comments

Today is the day! Three thousand days of marriage! All the kisses and hugs and chocolate hearts go out to my darling husband today. If only we could see each other in person, I would spend the afternoon sitting next to him on the couch, looking out at the grayness of the fog hanging over the lake (his favorite sort of weather), reflecting back together on these last three thousand days. But, unfortunately, he’s not here. He’s off teaching some pretty amazing things to the medical community in the middle of the state. So instead of sitting together, we’ll smile at one another over Skype and hold off our hugs until tomorrow. Because tomorrow will be three thousands days + one. And that will be even better.

How long exactly is three thousand days? It’s a little more than eight years. I know most people don’t typically celebrate reaching such a milestone, but we like to recognize as many of the little moments as possible. And why not? It’s another reason to celebrate! So when we realized a few months ago that today would be the big 3K, we knew it deserved a bit of recognition.

Three thousand days don’t pass without learning a thing or two about each other and this whole marriage thing, and that got me thinking. What have we learned on this journey so far? Honestly, it’s far more than we could possibly write in this space, but I can certainly break down a few of the good things. So here are three, big, sparkly pieces of wisdom we’ve gained in our first three thousand days of {mostly} wedded bliss.

1. We will never be everything to our spouse.

I think I spent the entire year we dated and then the six months we were engaged floating through the clouds. Even the first year of marriage. I couldn’t believe this handsome guy who loved Jesus and wanted to impact the world through teaching and practicing medicine actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Little me who shrunk all his dress shirts the first month we were married and who killed all our house plants the second month. I felt like a mess while he seemed so well put together. But you know what we both learned before we exchanged vows? We learned that we would never be enough for each other. Doesn’t that sound like a sad way to start a life-long relationship? But of course it wasn’t. It was one of the healthiest things for us to recognize. We were never created to be everything the other needs. And for that I am so, so thankful. Because I would be a hot mess trying to meet every single one of Pete’s needs. Heck, I’m already a hot mess! Here’s why I can’t be everything. One, he needs guy friends. He needs guys to hang out with and do whatever it is guys do together. (I don’ t need to go into detail here, right?) And vice versa. Pete can’t take the place of my girl friends. For one, he would get so tired of all my talking! My daily word count is a lot for him to take as it is. I need my girls to remind me why I love being a mom and a woman and to chat through all the little details of every part of my day. But the most important part of recognizing we can’t be everything for each other is because we know we both need Jesus a whole lot. I mess up all the time and so does Pete. We can continue to point each other to Jesus for strength and wholeness and unending love when we just aren’t feeling it. Because what Jesus has in absolutely unending and unshakable. I am human. I can’t love Pete perfectly. But Jesus can. And I’m so thankful he does.

2. We change over time.

I had this silly thought when I was in high school and early college that the only exciting, unknown adventure left in my life was finding my husband and planning our wedding. Not that I was someone who was all about the wedding, but I do like a good party. I somehow forgot that people change. We aren’t flat figures who meet, get married, and never do anything different for the remaining two-thirds of our lives. We live and experience life and a lot of the time, that means who we are is going to look a little different over time. It doesn’t necessarily mean the core of who we are changes, but how we respond to life might not be exactly as it once was. I look a whole lot different from the 25 year-old girl Pete married 3,000 days ago. And that’s a good thing! That girl was lovely and smart and ambitious, but she wasn’t ready to be the mama to two and wife to a busy ER doc. She wasn’t at a place to lead a group of moms every Tuesday morning or to pack a few bags and move to the other side of the world. It took time and lots of experiences to get to the place I am now. And Pete is the same! We are far better versions of who we were when we said our vows 8 years ago. We haven’t just sailed through that growth as a couple, though. We’ve both made lots of mistakes and we’ve both needed lots of grace. Lots of grace. But without those changes, we would be stuck as the same people we were when we got married, not ready to be parents to our children, friends to those around us, or missionaries to Kenya. Change can be hard, but it’s also really good and so very healthy.

3. It’s okay to ask for help.

There is a very common misconception that if we ask for help, we are weak. Let me tell you how not true that is. Pete and I have been teaching premarital counseling to couples at our church for the last five years, so yeah, we have some great ideas about marriage. We help people get through tough situations, we know a whole list of proper communication skills my heart, and we even teach couples how to have conflict in a healthy way. But does that mean we know everything about having a healthy marriage? Absolutely not. We are on a journey together and sometimes we need to hear from other couples who have been doing this longer than three thousand days. We need fresh ideas and guidance. Those ideas can come from spending time with other couples, reading great marriage books, or seeking professional counseling. Asking for help does not mean your marriage is falling apart. It simply means you are willing to humble yourselves and recognize that others may have answers you don’t have yet. Asking for help can be one of the healthiest things you do for your marriage, no matter how long you’ve been together. Want to know a secret? Next week Pete & I will have our first session with a marriage counselor. And we’re looking forward to it! Our marriage is not hanging on by a thread, but just like it’s healthy to go see a doctor every now and then to make sure we’re physically okay, it’s healthy to involve a professional to check in on our marriages every so often. I want to get to the bottom of any potential issues when they are still just potential issues before they grow into something bigger. Welcome help into your marriage! It will only equal a better relationship in the end.

Three thousand days! I think I’ve got a decent feel for this marriage thing now. Bring on the next 24,000! (That’s roughly 65 more years!)

Linked up at A Little R&R Wednesdays

Filed Under: Marriage

Photo Friday: A Family That Camps Together…

Posted on September 18, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 0 Comments

At the end of August, Pete was scheduled to teach an advaced life support class at a small hospital on the Iron Range, so I decided I would pack up the littles and tag along in the camper. Had I known the first two full days would be in the mid-50s and raining, I may have made a different choice. And I surely would have packed coffee. Friends, I don’t even know what possessed me to only pack tea on our four day adventure. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy tea. But it simply cannot substitue my deep desire for a cup of coffee goodness when I am feeling stressed. As soon as there was a break in the rain during the afternoon of our second day, I plopped Sam in the stroller, told Ella to hop on her bike, and we booked it to the quaint campground shop for my small cup of heaven. I realize that my need for coffee at that time was primarily emotional, but it absolutely did the trick. I was ready to take on the world – or two kids in a little pop-up camper – after those 12 ounces. We painted glittery sticks, read Curious George, played Hello Kitty Uno, and had a bit of a dance party, all before Daddy returned from the hospital for dinner. Thankfully, the next two days were sunny. We spent the entire time outside! It was absolutely lovely.

Sadly, this was the only camping trip we were able to take this summer. I’m so glad we managed to get this in before school started. Next summer we will do our best to squeeze in as many camping adventures as possible before we head off to Kenya. Because boy oh boy, do we adore camping!

Filed Under: Family, Photo Friday

My Little Boy on the Bus

Posted on September 14, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 4 Comments

We have a preschooler! I still have very mixed feelings about this whole deal, but Sam’s excitement when we stepped on the bus for the first time last Friday was so very good for my mama heart.

Ella was incredibly excited for Little Brother to experience his own first day of school. Weeks before, I let her pick which backpack she thought Sam would like best. Then we had his name embroidered on it, just as we did for her first day of preschool three years ago. We tried to capture a few photos of the two of them together, but this was the best I could get. Cute kids, awful lighting. I didn’t allow enough time for us to take them outside before she jumped on her bus. Good heavens, I adore these two together!

After Big Sister was off to school, I tried taking a few photos of Sammy man out on the deck, but he clearly just wouldn’t have it. In fact, he was so fussy I was worried he wasn’t going to want to go to school! That turned out to be far from what actually happened, though.

Honestly, when we stepped out to the street and saw an enormous yellow school bus, I had to take a moment. I had mentally prepared myself to put him into a van, as I had been told would be the case. Getting him on a full-size bus seemed a far bigger deal. I was incredibly thankful to have Pete with me for the morning, as my emotions would have been a little shaky otherwise.

We took our buddy onto the bus, met his driver and his bus aid, and got him strapped in.

I could not have asked for more lovely people to accompany him to and from school. We signed our I love yous, blew kisses, and watched him head off on his first big day! So many emotions, but mostly I was bursting with pride. My boy was doing it!

The bus was met at his school by Ms Brenda, the teacher Sam has been working with through the school district since the same month he first arrived home from the hospital. I was so happy to have her texts throughout the morning, including this sweet photo of Sam sitting up at the table working with clay.

We’re so very thankful for our school district and all the services they offer. They helped us arrange for Sam to a typical preschool just up the hill from us two days a week. Because of his diagnosis, they also provide bus pick-up and drop-off and they have one of his therapists (PT, OT, speech) at the school with him each day. They work with Sam in his learning environment and help his teachers with any necessary modifications. What a privilege it is for Sam to have this opportunity before we leave next summer! He’ll be soaking in social experiences that he wouldn’t have staying home with me. I certainly look forward to molding is education at home in Kenya in the future, but this is a beautiful fit for us at this time. Just imagine everything our sweet Samuel will learn this school year!

Filed Under: Down Syndrome, Family

First Grade & Mama Fears

Posted on September 8, 2015 by Angela @ The Mango Memoirs • 0 Comments

Last night, I wasn’t quite sure we would be getting any sleep at all. Ella was far too excited for her first day of first grade. She laid out her clothes for the morning, set out her new pink pony lunch bag, was tucked in by 8pm. Sleep, however, didn’t come for another two hours. Eventually, I cuddled in next to her to rub her back and sing in the hopes she would drift to sleep. At last, she did. And so did I.

Ella First Grade

This morning we were up bright and early, long before we needed to be. The two of us made breakfast together while Sam played at the table. I would like to say we had something lovely and maybe a bit fancy. Whole wheat pancakes with fresh blueberries perhaps, or fluffy Belgian waffles drowned in maple syrup. But no, we reheated a cinnamon roll from yesterday’s batch. Not homemade, mind you. They came from a can. But hey, we completely enjoyed that cinnamon roll together. I packed her lunch, put Sam in the stroller, and walked to the end of the street to wait for the bus. As we waited, she proudly posed for the first-day-of-school photos and then she was off! Her first day of first grade.

I do find it a bit hard to believe I have a first grader. Part of it is that I have very clear memories of first grade. My teacher Mrs Anderson, my first crush who definitely didn’t share my sentiments, playing for hours on end with my best friend Chanda. The fact that I can still remember such vivid details of the year I was six makes me realize that my girl is old enough to store away her own, as well. Memories that will last her entire life. She’ll remember how it feels to be invited to a friend’s birthday party, learn fascinating new things in school, and, heaven forbid, have her first crush. Sweet memories. But along with the sweet memories, she will inevitably have the not-so-sweet memories. Like being embarrassed by someone in her class or making a choice she wishes she hadn’t. My mama heart so dearly wants to protect her from those hard memories. I want to be shield her from the twinge of hurt that accompanies them for years after they initially took place. But that wouldn’t be fair, would it. Not when I consider how much I grew from those moments. How I learned who I was and who I didn’t want to be. And how I became stronger and smarter and kinder. Those are the qualities I want for my Ella. So I will let her grow and I will let her make her memories. Because mixed in with all those harder memories are really, really good ones. And those are the beautiful pieces she will place together when she remembers what it was like to be my little girl.

For those hard moments when I feel my mama heart truly worrying, I remember this verse from Isaiah. There is no reason to fear. He is with me and He is with my darling girl.

Isaiah41

What are some of your favorite memories from your first years of school?

Filed Under: Faith, Family

Luca

Share this:

Sam & Becky

Share this:

Three Thousand Days of {Mostly} Wedded Bliss

Share this:

Photo Friday: A Family That Camps Together…

Share this:

My Little Boy on the Bus

Share this:

First Grade & Mama Fears

Share this: